Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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