I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
