fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
