did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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