I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
