about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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