Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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