my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
