The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
