In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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