i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
