I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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