so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
