Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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