hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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