I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
