I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
