I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
