you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
two words...techno handjob
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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