Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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