I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
