she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
