I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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