shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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