No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
