I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
