Tell her she can't have a vagina
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize