remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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