This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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