He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
