We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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