Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
