Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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