btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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