How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
