I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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