They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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