i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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