Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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