I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
