thus making me awesome and them whores
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
