It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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