my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
