I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
