So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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