it wasn't lemon gatorade
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
