There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
