my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
