i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
