i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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