WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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