shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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