i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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