I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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