big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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