my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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