the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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