I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
