Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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