nut hugger
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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