im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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