were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
