im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
