whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize