News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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