Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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