My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
