1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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